my favorite parenting book (so far)...

I'm weird.  I like to read parenting books. I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to stuff my head with knowledge from so-called "experts" instead of just relying on my own instincts. But I do.  Perhaps it's because I feel the weight of this outstanding responsibility that God has entrusted us with, or perhaps it's because I just don't feel like I have the right "strategies".  Who knows? 

In most books I've read (and I've read quite a few), I've agreed with some, but usually not all, "advice" given.  But I think I might have just found a book that I can agree with... at least 95%.

Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman...funny title, huh? 

In this book, Dr. Leman emphasizes an approach of authoritative parenting that he calls "reality discipline."  Basically, letting the natural consequences of life (with your direction and guidance) discipline your child.  From the pendulum of permissive parenting (letting your kids rule over you) to authoritarian parenting (ruling over your children with an iron fist), this "authoritative" style acts of sort of a happy-medium while still maintaining control. 

He also emphasizes that our homes need to be a place where children feel safe to fail...because sometimes we learn the most through our failures.  If they can't fail at home, the consequences will most likely be much harsher when they fail in the world.

Something that has really worked for us has been his approach the mealtime.  Dinnertime in the last few months has been our most frustrating time with Caleb.  He went from a child who would eat everything to a very picky eater who will barely eat.  We followed the instructions from the book by offering Caleb what we were eating for dinner as a family.  If he didn't want it, fine.  He didn't have to eat it, but he wouldn't be getting anything else to eat that evening.  I was somewhat hesitant to trying this seemingly "mean" approach and was afraid that he wouldn't be getting enough food, but then what Dr. Leman predicted would happen the following day actually did.  He woke up very hungry and ate a WONDERFUL breakfast.  We have had fewer battles now than ever.  This approach coupled with a cheer my mom taught Caleb--"Try it, you'll like it, take a tip from me.  I tried it, I liked it.  Yummy green beans (or whatever food it is)" has transformed our mealtimes. 

The other strategy that has worked well has been allowing Caleb to throw his tantrums--but placing him in his room (or isolation) when he does so.  This takes away his desire to throw fits--because he isn't getting the (negative) attention he used to.  Don't get me wrong--we still have our fair share of tantrum-throwing and mealtime mayhem, but it has given me a strategy that keeps me from feeling so frustrated.  That in and of itself has been worth it--whether or not it is actually changing Caleb's behavior.

It also has great ideas for children approaching school-age years and the importance of responsibility--emphasizing the importance of allowances, in addition to the normal household chores that everyone must pitch in to do as part of being a family.

And, in case you're dying to know, here are some other parenting books I've read with a short synopsis.

ON BECOMING BABYWISE--a great resource for expecting parents!  Read it while you're pregnant and in the first few weeks of your child's life (as if you don't have enough to do).  If you wait to read it until your child is over 6 weeks, you definitely lose the benefits of 7 hours of continuous sleep at 2 months.  :)

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: I really liked this book!  Many of the ideas were similar to Babywise, but it also focused on treating a baby as a person (i.e.--calling him/her by his/her name rather than saying "the baby", telling him/her that you will be changing his/her diaper before you do so, etc). 

On Becoming Baby Wise: Book II (Parenting Your Pretoddler Five to Fifteen Months):  Parenting your Pre-Toddler--Ideas on introducing solids, etc.  My advice--save your money and time and consult your doctor/pediatrician.

Toddlerwise:  Good strategies on toddler issues...not anything earth-shattering.  Still, a great resource for those tricky toddler years.  In fact, maybe I should go back and read this book again!  Also a great resource for potty-training.

Dare to Discipline(the new one) by James Dobson:  A great book on discipline and it has recently been updated so it isn't outdated.  We started reading it when Caleb wasn't even quite a year old, so I think I should go back and peruse this one too.  :)

The Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson:  This book has some good perspective regarding parenting a child with a strong will  I read my mom's copy of this book, so I felt some things were outdated (like him talking about Dr. Spock repeatedly).  However, I just saw that he has a *new* Strong-willed child book, which I just might have to get a copy of!

Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson:  I haven't actually finished this book yet, but I really like it so far!  I think it is one I will want to read every few years as my boys mature.  It has great perspective on letting boys be "adventurous" because it's in their nature (something I struggle with sometimes) as well as helping them grow to be spiritual leaders of their families. 

Training Up a Child: Following God's Plan:  This is a book that my mom used when she was a new mother.  It is VERY outdated, but has some good "strategies" to use with children.  I don't think it is even printed anymore. 

See?  I told you I was a nerd when it comes to parenting books.  :)