Helpless

We have had a scary past few days. On Saturday afternoon after we got back from the pumpkin patch, Caleb was running a slight fever when he woke up from his nap. We figured it was just because we were out in the cold all morning. However, the fever continued into Sunday morning. By late Sunday afternoon, his fever had soared to 105.7. Thankfully, my dad is a doctor and rushed over to make sure he was okay. Based on his symptoms, my dad was pretty sure that he had the H1N1 flu (because the seasonal flu isn't very prevalent this early here) but wanted to make sure that he didn't also have a bacterial infection on top of that. Kevin, Caleb, my mom, my dad, and I headed up to the nearby hospital to have a flu test and his blood drawn. Thankfully, his fever broke while we were at the hospital. We started him on the Tamiflu right away and he hasn't run a really high fever since early Monday morning. Today, he is fever-free, his cough is getting better, and he is back to his ornery self! I came down with it too on Monday, but started the Tamiflu early and that has helped me to have a VERY mild case.

I cannot tell you just how helpless I felt as I held him all day Sunday. All I wanted to do was take it away and make him feel better. I said countless prayers, asking God to help him. It gave me just the tiniest glimpse of the daily reality for parents with chronically ill children. However, this helpless feeling helped me realize just how dependent we are on God. Any control we feel that we have is really just an illusion. Most events in our lives are simply out of our hands. This realization has rejuvenated my desire to be more intimate in my relationship with God. Thankfully, our prayers were answered in healing Caleb. But even when things happen that I don't understand (they have in the past and I know they will again), I can rest assured that He is in control and His perfect plan will prevail. I might not see the full extent of that plan or purpose this side of Heaven, but that is where faith comes in. I am often comforted by Romans 8:28, "And in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."